"If I were the President" Read this satire (poem) by Dan-ralph Ohewolam Ojedor - Plushng
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“If I were the President” Read this satire (poem) by Dan-ralph Ohewolam Ojedor

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Read this mind tackling poem by Dan-Ralph Ojedor. The humour, punchlines,dictions and even climax will keep you scrolling to the end. Enjoy!

IF I WERE PRESIDENT

The ballot boxes are pregnant,
Everyone is nonchalantly expectant,
Political posters are still kissing the walls- just stagnant
like plasters on injured hearts; quite malignant.

Candidates are anticipating in aggrandisement
and how they would cause destruction and watch from safe distance in enjoyment.

But, I am a candidate too,
So if I was the president,
I would listen to the cry of the Carmel;
These Carmels want to be kept in zoos too; they are jealous.
Therefore, I would make transportation cheaper and easier,
Let the Carmels rest though they’re zealous.

I know swimming is healthy
but I would remove the swimming pools from our roads-
Most road users prefer being stealthy.

Bulbs are no similes to kegs,
So I would stable electricity to occupy them,
I’m sure that’s a turnaround for negs.

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If I was the president,
I wouldn’t love ex-gun men
sailing in our ship of democracy,
Why not pick up your bags and run to school?
I am making it free- Don’t you see?

Street carnivals seem to me now as a daily activity,
Beggers walk on the streets like they have end gratuity,
But if I was the president,
I would melt the candle of unemployment
and beggers on the streets.

Tip – tip – tip… sings the medical drip,
Flowing slow but steady down like a vacation trip
into her veins,
And they ask: “Will she die?”

Peace!
No she won’t, I am giving you free Medicare.

Now, if I was the president of this country,
There wouldn’t be just one Dangote;
Every family should own one,
I guess on that, there’s no curtail.

If I was the president of this country,
There wouldn’t be:
“Hey! S’ogbo Yoruba?” or “Indi igbo k’wenu!”,
or even “aboki sa nu?”
It will be:
“Chike my best friend, please follow me
to visit my iya at Ibadan.”
And “Ibrahim, k’edu? I just love you.”
I think you understand, don’t you?

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Finally, this is not a manifesto
but a poem written in presto,

So, if I was the president,
I would leave Aso Rock and live in a bungalow,
Sit on a plastic chair and eat a burger low.

Only if I was the president.

Thanks

Oh! It was a dream all along.

©Dan-Ralph

Dan Ralph Ojedor is a young poet that sees poetry as a tool of communication. He has written for magazines (Campus Torch,etc), stage plays, poetry competitions, etc.
He detests racism – one of his poems: “53 seconds more” has more to say on that!

Dan-Ralph Ojedor

Facebook:Daniel Ralphael Ojedor
Whatsapp: +2349071598901

Daniel Ralphael Ojedor is a poet, actor, dancer, script writer and video editor. He has written so many poems and short registers for so many groups like RAREGISTARS, Poets in Nigeria, NaijaEmirates, Metamoforces, Campus Torch Magazines and Lots more. He has a diploma in Mass Communication. He detests racism and injustice; his poems "53 seconds", and "If I was the president" says so.

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